This sentence has a whole new meaning... I remember it in a Bugs Bunny cartoon, referring to brother of Liberace, but for me, it really does mean my brother George, aka Sandy. You see, he died two years ago, today, August 9th, at age 55, due to years of alcohol abuse, its is truly a horrible way to see a person die. Too see those beautiful blue eyes, turned horribly yellow from cirrhosis of the liver. To see your skin yellow. To find out it was too late to save you, the damage irreparable. At least your final days were not spent alone. You had family by your side, tho I don't think you ever really believed we cared, but we did, it was hard to see you do that to yourself, even from a distance. But it was hard to be around you when you were in that state, a Jekyll and Hyde affect.
I never understood it, the drinking, but yet I did, because I started to go that path myself; drinking did make things 'go away', but I couldn't do that to my family.
Your death has still left a hole in me, I still feel your presense at times, telling me to not give up on myself like you did with your life. Why moms' passing and dads didn't affect me like this, I don't know. I think they were ready, I know you weren't. You were never a failure. A failure to me is person who never even tries, and you tried, literally until the end.
Either part of me went with you... or part of you came into me, I don't know which. I have never felt that 'energy' that was drained from me the day you died. I remember the funeral, it was as tho you were right next to me, saying "this is really f***ing wierd, but I'm OK"
Why am I writing this... I don't know.
But at least we have one last photo of all 4 of us.
"The way you walked was thorny
Through no fault of your own,
But as the rain enters the soil,
The river enters the sea,
so tears run to a Predestined end.
Your suffering is over,
George, our bother.
Now you can rest in peace."
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